small steps

small steps

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Joyful and Triumphant

Several years ago I was on a short term mission trip with some students in Atlanta. We had signed up to work with an inner city mission that served in ministries all over the city. The first evening we arrived they explained to us that they were going to take us to a place where we would have the opportunity to minister to women caught up in prostitution. I remember so clearly the dread and fear that swept over me. Instantly, I tried to think of excuses of why our group shouldn't participate. My initial reaction wasn't one of boldness or anticipation of the joy that comes with sharing God's love--instead I turned to fear and worry.

In that moment I was not a leader who showed trust in God's work for us...it took my students to remind me of our purpose in Atlanta. It took the lights that shined in their eyes that evening to remind me of who was holding us and who would equip us. Again and again, the Lord has used the sweet students that He's entrusted me with as the ones who have pointed me to Him in the moments I've needed reminding the most.

I remember a gentle rain falling as we climbed into the van to make the 40 minute drive through Atlanta traffic to the area where we would attempt to reach out to these women. My stomach hurt. All I could do was pray. Two of my female students would be joining me along with a trained staff member from the ministry we had worked with. As the van turned the corner, I saw a dingy strip club in the distance and there along the road in the darkness of the night stood a woman, alone and waiting. I could sense her pain and struggle before we even stepped out of the van. I still didn't have the words as we approached her. The staff member we were with initiated the conversation, I remember being overcome by her piercing blue eyes--so beautiful, yet so empty. My teenage students dived into the conversation. Handing her the verses of encouragement that had written for her and showering her with roses. And still I said nothing...and then all of a sudden, I heard myself blurt out, "You are so beautiful....you are such a beautiful child of God." Immediately, her eyes filled with tears and she held out her arms and we all stood there together with the light rain falling in a short embrace. She was a stranger to us--yet in that moment God united us as sisters. His love filled each of us. It was as if His arms were wrapped around all of us...and in a way they were. When we climbed back into the van, we found ourselves overwhelmed with emotion and tears streamed down our faces the rest of the ride home.

I've thought about that moment in ministry often--not because I think we accomplished something great but that because it always reminds me that when we step out and trust God with every fear and inadequacy that holds us back...when we step away from that HE is triumphant always. HIS joy triumphs over the fear and the worry and the doubt--always.

Yet, how many times since that rainy night in Atlanta have I found myself back in that same place...that place where I lack boldness...where I cling to fear instead of the triumph that comes in my King. I fail. But then, Christmas comes and we celebrate and remember that hope entered our broken world as a sweet, innocent baby. That God used teenage parents and outcasts in the field as the ones who would proclaim the message of His joy and hope. That as many times as we fail--God's love trumps our failure. His Son defeats the fallen world around us.

Lately, I've too easily focused on the brokenness. I've been swept up in sometimes feeling defeated by my own short comings and inadequacies. And once again, my Savior has reminded me through the voices of teenagers of His hope and joy. It's come in so many forms...some that I take for granted some days. It has come through witnessing students becoming excited about living God's Word...it has come through their faithfulness in prayer and discipleship with one another. It has come through a Christmas card sent to me in the mail and hearing their voices in worship each Sunday.

I'm beyond thankful for the reminders God has used in my life to remind me so sweetly that He is above all joyful and triumphant and that alone is worth striving to live each day for my King.