Something new.

I walked out the eye doctor's office this morning after a check up & walked out entering the world of glasses.

Several Saturday's ago on a sunny, mild January afternoon I headed out for a run and 2 hours later found myself in the emergency room with a punctured cornea. Long story. Freak accident. God is so good--it could have been a lot worse. If you'd like more details you can ask me in person or ask the 200 some people I had to explain the story to the next day at church as I had to wear an eye patch for several days. I did not feel cool. I did not feel like a pirate. I felt like a clumsy 20-something with an eyepatch.

All that to say the healing process post punctured cornea has gone super smoothly despite a couple headaches which have now vanished. I haven't had any vision issues (Praise God)--until I noticed some pictures taken with students over the weekend...my right eye was looking just a tad lazy. I had my last follow up appointment set up for this morning anyways and sure enough...my right eye despite the perfectly healed cornea needs to kick it into gear a little & I left with new strengthening glasses for the next couple of weeks.

I am a girl who struggles with change. Things that may seem like not a huge deal to 90 percent of people are usually a huge deal to me--for whatever reason that is part of my wiring. That's how I've always been and how I've always reacted to changes in my life. I cling to the change and how it was instead of anticipating what could be because of it--at some point I always come around but for the most part it's not without struggle.

In my walk with Jesus, I am learning that HE is all about change. It's been amazing for me to teach the gospel of John to 5th and 6th graders on Wednesday nights this year. We've been studying the book verse by verse. Studying each miracle...each group of people that Jesus encountered and taught. I love seeing these young students absorb this scripture. One of the themes we've come across is how so often, those who claimed to believe Jesus and even his disciples grumbled and struggled with Jesus' teachings and the change He was striving to bring to their lives--and yet here He was the Son of God offering them EVERYTHING yet they were too stuck on the way it had always been. I love in Chapter 8 how they are arguing with Jesus about claiming Abraham as their father--they don't get. They didn't understand that here was their Father right in front of them. Chapter 8 verse 31-32 really stands out to me: Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

It's been pretty humbling to realize in my own life how many times I've wanted to hold on to my own way instead of God's teachings for me. That God has offered my freedom through His truth...through His Son & often I stubbornly cling to what I want because of my fear of change. Yet, how beautiful it is, in the moments I let go and instead of clinging on to my own stubborn will--cling on to my Savior and allow Him to change me little by little.

I look a little differently this afternoon with my glasses than I did this morning. I pray they would be a constant a reminder to allow myself to never be content with staying the same. To aim and strive to embrace they change that comes in following and living for Jesus.

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 7:40

Obedience.

I wish I had journaled more during my time in Kenya a few summers ago. At first it was easy, hours on airplanes making the journey to Africa left enough time to write down all my thoughts of anticipation of the weeks to come. When we arrived in Kenya and began to work I found myself completely overwhelmed to try and fully put each experience and each day into words. So, instead of detailed journals I made a brief outline of each day. Sometimes the outlines were just names of the sweet people God had brought into my life through the different experiences and opportunities we were having to serve each day. As I was flipping through my Kenya journal a few days ago, I realized I wanted to start writing down some of the stories of the names I had outlined. As I have prayed about the start of a new year, the memory of Faith remains etched on my heart and has come to the surface again in my life in new ways.

Faith was a young woman exactly my age who I met at a medical clinic we were helping with in a small village. Our days in the village were some of the most eye opening and heart stretching that I spent during our weeks in Africa. It was hard to grasp what everyday life was like for the people who lined up the street to come and seek medical care & at the same time it was humbling to witness their joy and spirit. There was a language barrier for us between many of the patients and my friend Collyn and I each had a translator working with us as we helped fit people for reading glasses.

When Faith sat down in the empty chair next to me, eyes bright and smile so white. I took a deep breath and tried my best to remember the correct phrases to try and draw a connection, "Jambo!" I said, which is Hello...and immediately she began to giggle. "Hello, my friend," was Faith's response. Instantly, a huge weight was lifted off of me...the first village person I had met who spoke English. My translator took the opportunity to take a break and Faith and I began sharing as I helped her try to find a pair of reading glasses that would work. She explained to me that she was actually named Faith by a missionary who helped deliver her in the small hut she had been born in down the road. It was not a common name in her village but she said she treasured it. Half way through our conversation, I realized she had a small baby strapped in a sling on her back. This was her mother's youngest child and it had become Faith's responsibility to care for her young sister. It was like she could read my thoughts and a moment later, her sweet baby sister was nestled in my arms.

I continued to listen as Faith shared with me her daily routine of caring for her siblings. That life was hard for her parents as her father would be gone for weeks working in the city and then bringing back what money he could to the village. She shared that often they spent the entire day working towards providing one meal for the 12 of them that lived in their small hut. She shared with me their struggle and her worry and as I rocked her sister and listened, my mind raced at what I could do...what I could give to this sweet girl and her sister.

She continued to go back and forth between different reading glasses on the table. She needed the weakest settings which we had several different options of frames for as many of the older patients we had seen needed stronger glasses. She'd pick up the mirror and look at herself and giggle. I was treasuring this time with her but I noticed that the line had started to pick up and more people were waiting for glasses.

As Faith made her final decision I asked her how I could pray for her in the coming days. "Just pray, my friend, that I could be joyful and obedient each day to the Lord...for He is good and has always taken care of me."

I had to fight back the tears. I tried to imagine myself in Faith's position and I could imagine having being asked the same thing that my response  may have been so different...that I would have asked for prayer for an escape, or for more money or resources, or for the opportunity to go to school or for my family to have a bigger place to live. Yet, sweet Faith's prayer request to me as she sat before me with bare feet and dirty clothes was that she could be joyful and obedient in God's calling for her.
And for Faith, on that day it was to take care of her sweet baby sister and to help her mother haul water and start a fire...that she would find joy and obedience in those tasks.

What a gift Faith gave me that day....it seems far greater than the small pair of reading glasses I was able to pass on to her. When I think of Faith I am reminded of Psalm 119:10, "I will seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands."

Sometimes, I think it's easy for us...for me to think about our current struggles or trials as an excuse to stray from obedience. I would have made more time to be in God's Word if I wasn't so busy at work or at home... I would have made more time to serve others if I didn't have so many family commitments... I would have...etc., etc. It's easy to do. I fall into this rut all too often.

But seeking God with my whole heart...living out God's Word means seeking obedience and joy in every circumstance...in each trial or struggle...in each day. Instead of making excuses or having regrets--to strive to live in faithful obedience in trust to our Father in Heaven who holds us in the palm of His hand.

A Father who is holding me at this very moment...at the start of a new year & who holds my sweet friend Faith; joyful and obedient...Happy New Year!

Joyful and Triumphant

Several years ago I was on a short term mission trip with some students in Atlanta. We had signed up to work with an inner city mission that served in ministries all over the city. The first evening we arrived they explained to us that they were going to take us to a place where we would have the opportunity to minister to women caught up in prostitution. I remember so clearly the dread and fear that swept over me. Instantly, I tried to think of excuses of why our group shouldn't participate. My initial reaction wasn't one of boldness or anticipation of the joy that comes with sharing God's love--instead I turned to fear and worry.

In that moment I was not a leader who showed trust in God's work for us...it took my students to remind me of our purpose in Atlanta. It took the lights that shined in their eyes that evening to remind me of who was holding us and who would equip us. Again and again, the Lord has used the sweet students that He's entrusted me with as the ones who have pointed me to Him in the moments I've needed reminding the most.

I remember a gentle rain falling as we climbed into the van to make the 40 minute drive through Atlanta traffic to the area where we would attempt to reach out to these women. My stomach hurt. All I could do was pray. Two of my female students would be joining me along with a trained staff member from the ministry we had worked with. As the van turned the corner, I saw a dingy strip club in the distance and there along the road in the darkness of the night stood a woman, alone and waiting. I could sense her pain and struggle before we even stepped out of the van. I still didn't have the words as we approached her. The staff member we were with initiated the conversation, I remember being overcome by her piercing blue eyes--so beautiful, yet so empty. My teenage students dived into the conversation. Handing her the verses of encouragement that had written for her and showering her with roses. And still I said nothing...and then all of a sudden, I heard myself blurt out, "You are so beautiful....you are such a beautiful child of God." Immediately, her eyes filled with tears and she held out her arms and we all stood there together with the light rain falling in a short embrace. She was a stranger to us--yet in that moment God united us as sisters. His love filled each of us. It was as if His arms were wrapped around all of us...and in a way they were. When we climbed back into the van, we found ourselves overwhelmed with emotion and tears streamed down our faces the rest of the ride home.

I've thought about that moment in ministry often--not because I think we accomplished something great but that because it always reminds me that when we step out and trust God with every fear and inadequacy that holds us back...when we step away from that HE is triumphant always. HIS joy triumphs over the fear and the worry and the doubt--always.

Yet, how many times since that rainy night in Atlanta have I found myself back in that same place...that place where I lack boldness...where I cling to fear instead of the triumph that comes in my King. I fail. But then, Christmas comes and we celebrate and remember that hope entered our broken world as a sweet, innocent baby. That God used teenage parents and outcasts in the field as the ones who would proclaim the message of His joy and hope. That as many times as we fail--God's love trumps our failure. His Son defeats the fallen world around us.

Lately, I've too easily focused on the brokenness. I've been swept up in sometimes feeling defeated by my own short comings and inadequacies. And once again, my Savior has reminded me through the voices of teenagers of His hope and joy. It's come in so many forms...some that I take for granted some days. It has come through witnessing students becoming excited about living God's Word...it has come through their faithfulness in prayer and discipleship with one another. It has come through a Christmas card sent to me in the mail and hearing their voices in worship each Sunday.

I'm beyond thankful for the reminders God has used in my life to remind me so sweetly that He is above all joyful and triumphant and that alone is worth striving to live each day for my King.

Free to Run.

Last Sunday at our 11a.m. service, the contemporary praise band led our congregation in the song, "I am Free." It was one of the most moving moments in worship I've ever been blessed to witness. The hearts of the band in their desire to give God the glory, the voices of our students that surrounded me, the musician's instruments...it all came together in such a beautiful and powerful way. God was with us & He was glorified and praised in that moment. That's not to say that He isn't exalted and worshipped in every service and every song we lift up in our congregation. I believe He is & I have come to know each of the people in our 11a.m. praise band and know their hearts to give Him honor and praise & to point us all in the pews to Him in every song they lead. There was just something powerful and special in that moment last Sunday.

I've been thinking about it all week. Especially on my morning runs. The air has turned from late summer to fall in the early mornings. The cold air makes it a little more difficult to run yet so lovely and refreshing at the same time. I'm not a great runner. I'm clumsy and slow. One of the things that I have found that helps my running breathing pattern is to have something to focus on in my head over and over...sometimes it's a prayer, sometimes it's scripture & sometimes it's a song. Over the course of this past week each morning over and over it's been the words from Sunday...

Through You, the blind will see
Through You, the mute will sing
Through You, the dead will rise
Through You, all hearts will praise
Through You, the darkness flees
Through You, my heart screams
I am free
Yes, I am free

I am free to run
I am free to dance
 am free to live for You
I am free
Yes, I am free

Every morning, as soon as I sit down outside my apartment to stretch and tie my shoes, over and over the lyrics turn on in my mind and with each step of my run my heart and mind have been trying to grasp the power of what really living these words mean.

The miracles & the promise found in trusting the Lord with it all. The freedom found in a relationship with Jesus that simply cannot be found in anything else. And even though, I'll never win a race or be the runner I wish I was, what a beautiful gift God has given me in allowing me to have healthy legs and and a healthy heart to run--to clear my head, to begin my day with Him.

There's another song the praise band leads us in from time to time that has a bridge that says this:          The miracle of Christ in me
Is the mystery that sets me free
I'm nothing like I used to be
Open up your eyes you'll see

How I love to sing the words from these songs. How I love to lift them up to the Lord and to know His promise and His truth in them....it's the living them out every day where the struggle lies. In some ways I think that's why God gave us that special moment in worship last Sunday...as a reminder of what to continually strive for through the gifts of the freedom He has given us through Jesus. That most of the times it's easier to focus on the mistakes, the struggles, the sin that gets in the way. In certain moments those things tend to seem overwhelming and bigger to face day in and day out. 

But the Lord is bigger than all of it. The freedom He has given us to run, and live and dance and worship is bigger than the struggles I sometimes feel are greater...they aren't. HE IS. Thank you, Lord for the glimpses. Thank you for the moments when my heart feels like it's stretching inside because of the ways you reveal your love and mercy. Thank you for the hope you give us in the freedom found in you.

Jesus said, "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32

Because He Lives.

There's an old hymn that's been rolling around in my head lately and I love it so much that I can't just pick one line to share in this blog post--so here's a couple of verses:

God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal, and forgive.
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living  just because He lives.

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.


I've been singing this song ever since I was a little girl. I can remember standing next to my Grandpa in the pew of his tiny country church and listening to his voice sing these words, I can remember singing this in college and watching my best friend and I both wipe away tears from our eyes from the power of these words.

The promise and beauty of this hymn never leaves me. Isn't that Jesus? When He takes over your heart life just isn't ever the same. And I wish I could say that this hymn was rolling around in my head all the time.  That I was always so mindful of the promise of these words. That I lived without fear and in constant peace that God does hold my future. That in every moment of each day I lived in the truth and awe of the empty grave. Unfortunately, a lot of the time I get caught up in me. My desires...my fears...my plans.

Before I started writing this post I was sitting on the porch of the cottage I've been staying in with my parents on vacation this week. I've been sitting out here thinking about what's in store for me in the coming year...the next 6 months...the next 6 weeks. I was sitting here planning and dreaming and wondering with a little fear of the unknown creeping into all of it.

And then the hymn rolled back into the front of my mind. Just like God's grace rolls over my life again and again--day in and day out. I sang the chorus to myself under my breath and was reminded of the beauty that comes in trusting Jesus with it all. I'm thankful God knew I needed those words in that very moment--like He knows exactly what I need and always provides it for me in a way that surpasses my own timing.

So, I'll go to bed tonight with these words on my heart and I'll pray that He'll roll them over me again and again in all the times in between when I need reminding and because He's a living, merciful Savior, He will. Thank you, Father.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

Selflessness.

The word selflessness has been etched onto my heart in completely new ways. God is so great. I can't really even begin to express how honored I feel to have witnessed His greatness in the ways that I have over the past month--and when I think of His greatness...His glory...the holiness of of God that sets Him apart from all else. I am truly humbled by the selflessness He has exhibited through the teenagers & adults I have been so blessed to serve in ministry with over the past several weeks. 


Two mission trips, one week at camp & one of our largest church wide outreach events all happened within a span of 3 weeks. Over those 3 weeks, I heard many comments like, "Are you crazy!?" "Are you tired!?" "How are you still going?" Well, to be completely honest...yes, I probably am a little crazy. There were days that I did feel tired. Without a doubt I kept going by a fuel that only comes through the grace and love of Jesus Christ. So thankful that the Lord always gives us what we need to sustain us in Him.


Here's the honest truth---I loved every moment of it. The early mornings and the late nights, the crazy air mattress I had to sleep on, the 12 passenger van full of sleeping students as I drove, the bathroom stops that take 30 minutes with 60 people.I loved watching our students form new friendships with one another and re-kindle old friendships. I love watching the students love on their adult leaders. Hearing them yell, "Rooooonnnnn" every time Ron Miller walks into a room. I love the silly caravan of vans as we travel. I even secretly love the moments when Joe & I have our classic "navigation errors" and end up in a subdivision instead of the park we were headed to. I love the new people that God has brought into our life through Youth Works & Camp Lakewood--to watch our students reach out and make new connections with the counselors and staff they are serving alongside. I love watching our teens fall in love with serving others whether it's playing kickball at a Boys in Girls Club, teaching their campers to sing 500 miles for the first time or playing Bingo with the elderly at a nursing home--it's transforming to watch their hearts develop more and more towards the call to be the hands and feet of Christ. I love taking some folding chairs and forming them into a circle with students and leaders that leads to literally hours of affirmation, prayers, laughter & tears. I love getting down on tired knees and washing the feet of students as an act of love in attempt to remind them that Jesus gave us the ultimate example of love. I love waking up in the morning and hearing 12 voices say "Good morning, Steph." I love the line of boys at breakfast who walk up to give me a high five or hug to start my day. I love watching adult leaders go on their first mission trip as a chaperone and watch their faces as they start to fall in love with our precious crew. I love all the random little things that happen that make us all laugh so hard our stomachs hurt. I love that my students know how emotional I am and pass a Kleenex towards me. I love that God has blessed me with such an awesome co-director in Joe that sometimes he can read what I'm thinking with just a look or a head nod. I love the Facebook comments from all of our student's families and parents from home when we post updates on the road, they are always full of love and prayer and God uses that love to keep us fueled & safe & well. I love it all. Every moment of the crazy mission trip/camp lifestyle is a blessing. 


And then there's the selflessness I've seen displayed. Over and over again I watched our crew put themselves last...whether in the love they extended to strangers or to one another. I saw it again and again, day in and day out. So powerful. So moving that some nights tears rolled down my face as I fell asleep because I was so touched by their selfless acts I saw displayed throughout each and every day. And, no we aren't a perfect group. And, no these trips weren't without splinters and struggle. But Jesus came first--and when Jesus comes first love falls into place in the most powerful of ways. 


In Colossians 3:14-15, "Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful."  I watched Paul's words come to life in the past 3 weeks. I watched one body form-- the command to be thankful takes on new meaning to me after this past month.


I can only imagine how God will bless us as we take what we have learned and the love we have discovered in the past 3 weeks and use it as our driving force into the mission field of our everyday in this coming year.  To God Be the Glory--Great Things HE has Done!

Riches.

Does anyone else find yourself reflecting more when your birthday draws near? Another year down...well, nearly. I was thinking about it last week a little. As I flipped through my Facebook newsfeed of another pregnancy announcement...another wedding announcement...another engagement...it made me sign out of Facebook a little quicker than normal. It just seems crazy to me that so many people in my life who I grew up with, went to college with etc. are in such a different phase of life than I find myself to be. 

God's plan is exactly that...it's His and for my life it's a little different than what I had envisioned as a high school senior or even a college senior.

In that same moment that I was sitting at my desk and all of the sudden I turned over and looked at the wall. My ribbon board is jammed pack with pictures. Faces of family and dear sweet friends. The faces of childhood friend's babies, the birthday spent at Disney World, faces of students that have filled my heart with more joy than I ever knew possible from Michigan to Mississippi and now Indianapolis. My eyes bounced back and forth...a picture from my days in Kenya and the sweet children there--another of my days out on the reservation in South Dakota, my sweet friends in Hillsdale who started my ministry journey with me, my parents and my brother and sister in law at Andrew's graduation for Vet School, and the precious friends that God has brought into my life here in Indy...ministry partners who have taught me so much about selflessness and love. I felt my eyes welling up as I saw the pictures I glance at every day in a different light. Each person...each memory a part of God's plan for me. I wouldn't trade a single piece of it for anything else. I wouldn't want one less photo jammed onto that ribbon board.

In an instant I was reminded of the riches He has showered over me and that my life is not my own it is His. If the God of the Universe can take my heart and life and fill a ribbon board with so much joy and love than I am His and His alone. 

I'm so undeserving and He continues to piece together His plan for me picture by picture...day by day...person by person. My heart's desire is to cling to Him and His will for all He has to come. 

Another year--another chance by His grace to praise Him for the riches and to draw nearer to His heart.

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich."   2 Corinthians 8:9