Joy in Teamwork.

Thursday May 2, is "Thank a Youth Worker Day" which gives me the opportunity to write a blog post I've been wanting to write for quite sometime but have continually struggled to find the words. I'll take a stab at it...

Over 2.5 years ago, I began as the Director of Student Ministries at Castleton United Methodist Church. I was excited at the doors God had opened to bring me back to Indiana and for the opportunity to continue to serve in full time student ministry. My years in full time ministry prior to my start at CUMC had been spent in Michigan and Mississippi. They were years marked with many adventures and joys  and although I had dozens of amazing volunteers & friends by my side for those years for the most part I weaved my way through ministry on my own.
                                                                                 
                                                                                   When I was hired at Castleton, the search team mentioned to me that there would be an assistant student ministries director that would help me with programming. This was a little intimidating for me to wrap my head around. I didn't know what to think about working alongside someone else in the office to tackle the day to day ministry challenges and preparations. I wasn't opposed to it--it was just all uncharted. So, in my weeks before arriving at Castleton in the summer of 2010, all I knew to do was to pray. Pray for whoever it was that would join me and the students God had awaiting for me in Indiana. As I prayed God always filled me with peace...giving me that reminder that He knew what He was doing.

Fast forward to spring 2013...2.5 years of serving alongside Joe & Courtney. In these 32 months, God has taught me more about selflessness, loyalty and His love than I ever thought possible simply through His provision of allowing me to partner with the Garrison's in full time ministry.

 Joe is not my assistant ministries director--he's the other part of a ministry team that I cannot imagine serving without. The Garrison's have become two of the best friends who have blessed my life here in Indianapolis. When their precious daughter, Carley was born this past October, I think my heart about exploded the night she arrived out of utter joy for my ministry teammates and the honor it was to witness God's provision and goodness being showered over them through the blessing of Carley Grace.

One of the greatest joys to me found in this team is having partners who are willing to sacrifice comfort, time & resources in order to point teenagers towards Jesus Christ. I'm truly humbled by their example. What a blessing it is to have Joe and Court in my life and the life of our church family as we are able to celebrate in all the ways we are witnessing God at work & continue to experience His answers to prayer. I'm blessed to have teammates for the hard days and the exhausting days but also teammates who make me laugh and understand that God made me in such a way that I cry...sometimes a lot. :)

God's plan and timing never ceases to amaze me. When I reflect on the past 32 months...I remain in awe of Him and His will for this ministry team...better than I could have ever imagined on my own!

So, I'm a few hours early in posting this but in honor of, Thank a Youth Worker Day, I just want to give a big shout out to Joe, Court & Carley! I love ya'll so much. I'm thankful for the example our students have in your family and for all you do to pour out into each of us.
                                                                               

Higher & Deeper.

I am not music savvy at all. I love good music but usually it's introduced to me by someone who is music savvy. I tend to find something I love and then listen to it over and over until the next recommendation comes my way.

I very rarely listen to the radio because I'm usually sucked into whatever mix I have on my ipod or listening to a podcast or the CD in my car's CD player but for whatever reason about 6 months ago I turned the radio on during a longer drive and heard a song by the band, All Sons & Daughters. I loved it.

I've listened to them on and off since then but when I realized they'd be leading a portion of worship at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference that I attended back in the beginning of March I downloaded an album and started listening more in preparation for seeing them live--and what a treat that was. They were one of my very favorite parts of the conference.

All that to say, if you're reading this--you should check them out. I rarely do plugs like this but their music has been such a ministry to my life and heart.

Their song, Called Me Higher is the song of my heart right now. These lyrics are so powerful, I wanted to share them this morning. I'm also sharing a video about how this song came about & then the song itself.

Happy Tuesday!

Called Me Higher

I could just sit

I could just sit and wait for all your goodness

Hope to feel your presence

And I could just stay

I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel you

Hope to feel something again

And I could hold on

I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside

And I could be safe

I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home

Never let these walls down

But you have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where you will lead me Lord

You have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where you lead me Lord

Where you lead me

Where you lead me Lord

And I will be Yours

I will be Yours for all my life

So let Your mercy light the path before me

Comfort.

I like being comfortable. I like that word in all areas of my life. I love nothing more than the perfect temperature outside to wear my favorite running shorts and a hooded sweatshirt. I love air conditioning in the summer and the heat my furnace provides in the winter. After a long run, nothing feels greater than a long shower. I love sleeping in a comfortable bed.

I love that I don’t have to think twice about stopping at the Super Target by my house if I’m out of something because I know I’m minutes away from a gallon of milk to a bottle of shampoo, that one store pretty much supplies everything I need.

I love the comfort of having all of the people I love nearby. Having friends or family over for dinner followed by a good game night fills my heart with joy. I love the convenience of only having to drive a couple of hours to see my immediate family. Something I took for granted my whole life until I moved 15 hours away and realized how uncomfortable I was without my family and best friends closer to me.

I love a beautifully set dinner table & large houses filled with picture perfect furniture. I like to daydream about potential vacations spent on a beach where I could lay out and read all day. I get excited when my new Vera Bradley catalogue comes in the mail or when I buy a new pair of shoes. I dream about raising children surrounded by people who know them and will pour into them their whole lives…about marrying a husband who will provide for me as a spiritual leader but also financially provide for us.

There’s nothing about comfort on every single level and piece of my life that doesn’t appeal to me. I’m onboard the comfort train.

The more I spend time hanging out with Jesus the more I’m realizing that I put my comfort before the ways He’s nudging me. The more I spent time in His Word—the less I see where comfort really brings real joy.

I’ve worried in writing this that I may offend maybe all 3 of you who read this blog in my saying that. I’m not saying every one is called to live in Africa. I’m not saying that every one is called to sell everything they own and give it to the church. But what has been pressing on my heart so much lately is that we use those extreme callings as excuses to sometimes put our own comfort and desires in front of a life that looks less like us and more like Jesus.

Sometimes the dreams of having more and being comfortable put God in a box. I’ve found myself there often… "Okay, Lord, I’ll follow you….but as long as it keeps me in a 20 mile radius of the people I love the most.” or “Okay, Lord, I surrender it all to you but that includes keeping my vacation home and my dream home, right?”

These are the words I keep coming back to, in Matthew 16:24-26, “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”

Denying self. That’s so hard. I feel like I’m in a constant state of attempting to deny myself to follow Jesus. It’s so easy to grip so tightly to the dreams of my heart.

But then I read about Paul. This is a guy—that when he took up his cross and followed Jesus…went for it. Went all out.  I love his words in Colossians Chapter 3 “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

 This is so much more fulfilling to me than any Pottery Barn picture perfect house could be. To think that I am now hidden within Christ—that He covers me in every way. Wow. It kind of takes my breath away when I stop and think about it…when I pray to allow my mind not to just be wrapped around that but to be refined in the truth that by setting my mind and heart on Jesus, my comfort will be found in HIM. He will provide ALWAYS even in the most uncomfortable situations when I rest in Him.

I all too often find myself stuck in that box. I allow comfort to trump my Savior who is holding me. I get caught up in wanting to have all the things my friends have instead of living in the freedom that I have been given the greatest gift…the greatest sacrifice.

I’m praying hard against wanting to remain comfortable. Sounds kind of crazy, I know. The words of a song roll around and around in this prayer…

Refiner's fire

My heart's one desire

Is to be holy

Set apart for You, Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for You, my Master

Ready to do Your will

Praying that this blog post would be less about writing these words and putting them out there—and more about living them. 

A Nudge.

Fasting has always been a pretty personal and intimate discipline for me. Three years ago, I participated in the Daniel Fast ( see details here... http://www.daniel-fast.com/index.php/about-the-fast) during Lent. I felt a nudge from the Lord before that season of Lent began that I needed to focus on Him and I needed clarity. It's kind of amazing, how much clarity came from that time of fasting and prayer as well as how much my life changed after that Lenten season.

Last year, I again felt the nudge from the Lord to take on that discipline during Lent. I did a different type of Daniel Fast, only fasting M-F to accommodate the sometimes crazy ministry weekends. But again, it was a very intimate time with the Lord that is clear to me now that He was giving me that nudge to prepare me to draw nearer to Him, in some challenging summer months ahead.

With both of those fasts it was a decision I came to on my own. Our church family, was recently recommended to fast for 21 days similar to the Daniel Fast as part of the Fruitful Congregational Journey process that we are undergoing. This recommendation caught me completely off guard. I hadn't felt that nudge or call to fast this past Lent. It really wasn't on my radar. Since January, I've been training consistently to run a 13 mile half marathon coming up in mid-May. This call to fast wasn't in my plans. I know that not every one has the capability to do a food fast, like a Daniel Fast, and initially I told myself, I'll just use my training as an excuse not to give up meat or dairy, etc. and then it happened...that nudge.

I didn't have peace with it. I felt the Lord nudging me to talk to Him about my fears and doubts going into the Daniel Fast this time. The list for me initially was long...the food prep, the expense of the Daniel Fast friendly groceries, my busy schedule for the next 3 weeks, my half marathon training, etc. My list seemed valid. But the nudge didn't leave me, I didn't have peace.

As, I was praying over the steps to take last week, I came across this verse from Matthew when Jesus is been tempted by Satan, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. " It got me thinking...what would it really be like for me to live out these words.

In these first five days of fasting here's what God has stretched my heart with: I'm hungry. And often, I fill my life up with some much busy-ness, so much stress, so much struggle, so much anxiousness, so much worry, so much fear, so much stuff...that I don't realize how hungry I am for my Father. Sometimes for me, it takes physical hunger to remind me of that. What a humbling experience this has been for me in just a few short days. I can't promise you with the 10 mile runs I have looming ahead of me the next week or so that I won't switch back to turkey or chicken into my diet...there's a good chance I will.

Had I not started the fast to begin with and just ignored the nudging...I may have missed out on a powerful lesson my loving, powerful, holy Heavenly Father had laid out for me. My strength and trust must be found in Him. My heart must be fixed in Him. And as many times as I'll fail to do that, I'm thankful for the nudges along the way that draw me back. I'll count it joy when my stomach growls because the rice cakes and carrots didn't cut it for lunch because it's a reminder of the abundance I have the rest of the time and the overwhelming abundance I have in Jesus when I simply let him steer the ship.

Something new.

I walked out the eye doctor's office this morning after a check up & walked out entering the world of glasses.

Several Saturday's ago on a sunny, mild January afternoon I headed out for a run and 2 hours later found myself in the emergency room with a punctured cornea. Long story. Freak accident. God is so good--it could have been a lot worse. If you'd like more details you can ask me in person or ask the 200 some people I had to explain the story to the next day at church as I had to wear an eye patch for several days. I did not feel cool. I did not feel like a pirate. I felt like a clumsy 20-something with an eyepatch.

All that to say the healing process post punctured cornea has gone super smoothly despite a couple headaches which have now vanished. I haven't had any vision issues (Praise God)--until I noticed some pictures taken with students over the weekend...my right eye was looking just a tad lazy. I had my last follow up appointment set up for this morning anyways and sure enough...my right eye despite the perfectly healed cornea needs to kick it into gear a little & I left with new strengthening glasses for the next couple of weeks.

I am a girl who struggles with change. Things that may seem like not a huge deal to 90 percent of people are usually a huge deal to me--for whatever reason that is part of my wiring. That's how I've always been and how I've always reacted to changes in my life. I cling to the change and how it was instead of anticipating what could be because of it--at some point I always come around but for the most part it's not without struggle.

In my walk with Jesus, I am learning that HE is all about change. It's been amazing for me to teach the gospel of John to 5th and 6th graders on Wednesday nights this year. We've been studying the book verse by verse. Studying each miracle...each group of people that Jesus encountered and taught. I love seeing these young students absorb this scripture. One of the themes we've come across is how so often, those who claimed to believe Jesus and even his disciples grumbled and struggled with Jesus' teachings and the change He was striving to bring to their lives--and yet here He was the Son of God offering them EVERYTHING yet they were too stuck on the way it had always been. I love in Chapter 8 how they are arguing with Jesus about claiming Abraham as their father--they don't get. They didn't understand that here was their Father right in front of them. Chapter 8 verse 31-32 really stands out to me: Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

It's been pretty humbling to realize in my own life how many times I've wanted to hold on to my own way instead of God's teachings for me. That God has offered my freedom through His truth...through His Son & often I stubbornly cling to what I want because of my fear of change. Yet, how beautiful it is, in the moments I let go and instead of clinging on to my own stubborn will--cling on to my Savior and allow Him to change me little by little.

I look a little differently this afternoon with my glasses than I did this morning. I pray they would be a constant a reminder to allow myself to never be content with staying the same. To aim and strive to embrace they change that comes in following and living for Jesus.

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 7:40

Obedience.

I wish I had journaled more during my time in Kenya a few summers ago. At first it was easy, hours on airplanes making the journey to Africa left enough time to write down all my thoughts of anticipation of the weeks to come. When we arrived in Kenya and began to work I found myself completely overwhelmed to try and fully put each experience and each day into words. So, instead of detailed journals I made a brief outline of each day. Sometimes the outlines were just names of the sweet people God had brought into my life through the different experiences and opportunities we were having to serve each day. As I was flipping through my Kenya journal a few days ago, I realized I wanted to start writing down some of the stories of the names I had outlined. As I have prayed about the start of a new year, the memory of Faith remains etched on my heart and has come to the surface again in my life in new ways.

Faith was a young woman exactly my age who I met at a medical clinic we were helping with in a small village. Our days in the village were some of the most eye opening and heart stretching that I spent during our weeks in Africa. It was hard to grasp what everyday life was like for the people who lined up the street to come and seek medical care & at the same time it was humbling to witness their joy and spirit. There was a language barrier for us between many of the patients and my friend Collyn and I each had a translator working with us as we helped fit people for reading glasses.

When Faith sat down in the empty chair next to me, eyes bright and smile so white. I took a deep breath and tried my best to remember the correct phrases to try and draw a connection, "Jambo!" I said, which is Hello...and immediately she began to giggle. "Hello, my friend," was Faith's response. Instantly, a huge weight was lifted off of me...the first village person I had met who spoke English. My translator took the opportunity to take a break and Faith and I began sharing as I helped her try to find a pair of reading glasses that would work. She explained to me that she was actually named Faith by a missionary who helped deliver her in the small hut she had been born in down the road. It was not a common name in her village but she said she treasured it. Half way through our conversation, I realized she had a small baby strapped in a sling on her back. This was her mother's youngest child and it had become Faith's responsibility to care for her young sister. It was like she could read my thoughts and a moment later, her sweet baby sister was nestled in my arms.

I continued to listen as Faith shared with me her daily routine of caring for her siblings. That life was hard for her parents as her father would be gone for weeks working in the city and then bringing back what money he could to the village. She shared that often they spent the entire day working towards providing one meal for the 12 of them that lived in their small hut. She shared with me their struggle and her worry and as I rocked her sister and listened, my mind raced at what I could do...what I could give to this sweet girl and her sister.

She continued to go back and forth between different reading glasses on the table. She needed the weakest settings which we had several different options of frames for as many of the older patients we had seen needed stronger glasses. She'd pick up the mirror and look at herself and giggle. I was treasuring this time with her but I noticed that the line had started to pick up and more people were waiting for glasses.

As Faith made her final decision I asked her how I could pray for her in the coming days. "Just pray, my friend, that I could be joyful and obedient each day to the Lord...for He is good and has always taken care of me."

I had to fight back the tears. I tried to imagine myself in Faith's position and I could imagine having being asked the same thing that my response  may have been so different...that I would have asked for prayer for an escape, or for more money or resources, or for the opportunity to go to school or for my family to have a bigger place to live. Yet, sweet Faith's prayer request to me as she sat before me with bare feet and dirty clothes was that she could be joyful and obedient in God's calling for her.
And for Faith, on that day it was to take care of her sweet baby sister and to help her mother haul water and start a fire...that she would find joy and obedience in those tasks.

What a gift Faith gave me that day....it seems far greater than the small pair of reading glasses I was able to pass on to her. When I think of Faith I am reminded of Psalm 119:10, "I will seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands."

Sometimes, I think it's easy for us...for me to think about our current struggles or trials as an excuse to stray from obedience. I would have made more time to be in God's Word if I wasn't so busy at work or at home... I would have made more time to serve others if I didn't have so many family commitments... I would have...etc., etc. It's easy to do. I fall into this rut all too often.

But seeking God with my whole heart...living out God's Word means seeking obedience and joy in every circumstance...in each trial or struggle...in each day. Instead of making excuses or having regrets--to strive to live in faithful obedience in trust to our Father in Heaven who holds us in the palm of His hand.

A Father who is holding me at this very moment...at the start of a new year & who holds my sweet friend Faith; joyful and obedient...Happy New Year!

Joyful and Triumphant

Several years ago I was on a short term mission trip with some students in Atlanta. We had signed up to work with an inner city mission that served in ministries all over the city. The first evening we arrived they explained to us that they were going to take us to a place where we would have the opportunity to minister to women caught up in prostitution. I remember so clearly the dread and fear that swept over me. Instantly, I tried to think of excuses of why our group shouldn't participate. My initial reaction wasn't one of boldness or anticipation of the joy that comes with sharing God's love--instead I turned to fear and worry.

In that moment I was not a leader who showed trust in God's work for us...it took my students to remind me of our purpose in Atlanta. It took the lights that shined in their eyes that evening to remind me of who was holding us and who would equip us. Again and again, the Lord has used the sweet students that He's entrusted me with as the ones who have pointed me to Him in the moments I've needed reminding the most.

I remember a gentle rain falling as we climbed into the van to make the 40 minute drive through Atlanta traffic to the area where we would attempt to reach out to these women. My stomach hurt. All I could do was pray. Two of my female students would be joining me along with a trained staff member from the ministry we had worked with. As the van turned the corner, I saw a dingy strip club in the distance and there along the road in the darkness of the night stood a woman, alone and waiting. I could sense her pain and struggle before we even stepped out of the van. I still didn't have the words as we approached her. The staff member we were with initiated the conversation, I remember being overcome by her piercing blue eyes--so beautiful, yet so empty. My teenage students dived into the conversation. Handing her the verses of encouragement that had written for her and showering her with roses. And still I said nothing...and then all of a sudden, I heard myself blurt out, "You are so beautiful....you are such a beautiful child of God." Immediately, her eyes filled with tears and she held out her arms and we all stood there together with the light rain falling in a short embrace. She was a stranger to us--yet in that moment God united us as sisters. His love filled each of us. It was as if His arms were wrapped around all of us...and in a way they were. When we climbed back into the van, we found ourselves overwhelmed with emotion and tears streamed down our faces the rest of the ride home.

I've thought about that moment in ministry often--not because I think we accomplished something great but that because it always reminds me that when we step out and trust God with every fear and inadequacy that holds us back...when we step away from that HE is triumphant always. HIS joy triumphs over the fear and the worry and the doubt--always.

Yet, how many times since that rainy night in Atlanta have I found myself back in that same place...that place where I lack boldness...where I cling to fear instead of the triumph that comes in my King. I fail. But then, Christmas comes and we celebrate and remember that hope entered our broken world as a sweet, innocent baby. That God used teenage parents and outcasts in the field as the ones who would proclaim the message of His joy and hope. That as many times as we fail--God's love trumps our failure. His Son defeats the fallen world around us.

Lately, I've too easily focused on the brokenness. I've been swept up in sometimes feeling defeated by my own short comings and inadequacies. And once again, my Savior has reminded me through the voices of teenagers of His hope and joy. It's come in so many forms...some that I take for granted some days. It has come through witnessing students becoming excited about living God's Word...it has come through their faithfulness in prayer and discipleship with one another. It has come through a Christmas card sent to me in the mail and hearing their voices in worship each Sunday.

I'm beyond thankful for the reminders God has used in my life to remind me so sweetly that He is above all joyful and triumphant and that alone is worth striving to live each day for my King.