Freedom

I have found solo road trips to be a great time for reflection. Sitting at a stand still in traffic jams also graces me the opportunity to think about things I may not often take the time to think about during my normally busy day to day ministry schedule.

My road trip to Lookout Mountain, Georgia yesterday gave me the opportunity for lots of thinking time. As I passed sign after sign for "Fireworks for Sale" and "Firework Mega Warehouse", I began thinking about what it was we really celebrate on the 4th of July.

Freedom.

I attended a college where this was an important part of the heart of the Hillsdale core curriculum. To understand how our country began, I was required to take a United States Constitution course in order to graduate. At the time, I did not appreciate it as well as I do today. I can now quote pieces of it to myself after hours of studying note cards.

After learning it & studying it, it has become etched in me in a small way. What the freedom we hold in this special country is all about. That freedom has held more significance to me as I have traveled and served in other parts of the world over the past 4 years. Places where education, health care, and basic daily needs are a struggle and not very available. I'm aware these are a continual struggle for us here in the US in ways too but we do have the freedom to pursue those rights.

As I was driving, the song I'm claiming for my next year of life appeared on my play list, it's by my favorite worship band, All Sons & Daughters, Your Glory. The words of this song speak to where the stage of my heart has landed and it gives me hope. As I heard my voice sing along yesterday, I realized its words speak of the greatest freedom. The freedom found in a life surrendered to Jesus. That all heaviness of our sin and failures were taken from us in the sacrifice of Christ and through Him we have eternal freedom.

My favorite line in the song says: And the heartbeat of my life is to worship in your light. 

It makes me wonder what kind of impact I could have on this broken world full of heartache and struggle to be free, if I lived out those words in total freedom. If I truly allowed the heartbeat of my life to be a focus of worship in the light of my King. What revival could explode in our churches and how could we the body of Christ change our torn communities and neighborhoods if we allowed that freedom to truly transform our ministries and day to day mission.

I wonder what would happen to church politics and the disagreements we sometimes share as believers if our heart beat was truly to allow our freedom in Christ to guide our steps. 

It's a lot to process and think about for my own heart. I'm thankful for another long drive in a few days to keep working on it and praying over what it means for me...because that's where freedom begins, right? Within each of our own hearts and our own lives. The personal decision to decide how we allow the gift of this freedom to transform how we approach each day we're gifted.

Happy 4th of July! 

The Day Before.

This is a post I've been writing, saving and re-writing for months. It's been a struggle to find the words as I deal with my own heart and self.

And then, just like most things I over analyze...all of a sudden it's here. The day before I leave the decade of my 20's behind. Tomorrow, I will be 30.

I've dreaded this day ever since last July 2 when I hit the 29. Honestly, for most of this year I have been debbie downer about leaving my 20's. As, I've shared many times before on this blog and in life, change is a hard one for me.

For months now, I have thought over and over about what it will mean to cross into this new territory. I have also over analyzed all the ways I feel that I have missed the boat in my 20's. All the plans that I had for myself that seem unaccomplished...there is no house with a white picket fence, there is no "Mrs." in front of my name and there are no babies with my green eyes & strawberry blonde hair. That was also the plan for my 20's. To check off the things I felt everyone else around me in their 20's was checking off.

For over a year now we have been talking to our students about the word, identity. It began in our teaching last summer over our mission trips and has carried all the way into our discipleship model for our student ministry over this past school year and even into this current summer. Over and over, we have been talking to our students about what identifies your life, and that ultimately, when we surrender our identity to Christ, that's what others see in us. It's clear to me now why this has been our focus this year. It's always kind of humbling and amazing to me, how God always seems to use the material we are teaching to teens to remind me that I have to be real and begin with that same truth for my own heart and life.

My identity MUST be found in Him. My Savior. My Sustainer. The one who holds every piece of His plan for my life. And it's not mine...it's His. It's by His sweet grace and mercy I can live to walk another day with a Father who loves me perfectly, even when my crazy heart is wrapped up in the worry that I don't have it all together, that I haven't made enough check marks off my "20's list."

The truth is, God knows those dreams and desires of my heart. He knew the list I wrote for myself without consulting Him and continues to love me anyways. The truth also is that He knows what's best for me. God knew that I needed this decade of my life to be exactly what it has been...friends, student ministry, living in 3 different states in 3 very different communities, doing ministry life and ministry with best friends, realizing my need to be near my family, opening the door to my heart through international mission opportunities, finding a love and outlet in running, learning from mistakes, learning so much about independence and what it means to love myself, heartache, grace, embracing change, and the honor of watching teenagers fall in love with Jesus.

The list of blessings from my 20's outweighs the list in my head I feel I haven't accomplished and ultimately I have to let that unaccomplished list go. I am thankful that I have people who pour wisdom and truth into my life. My co-director, Joe has often reminded me that my identity will never be found in a house or a husband or even children of my own. My identity can only come from continually surrendering to the One who continues to walk with me through it all.

So, bring it on, 30...I mean, tomorrow...I'm okay with one more day at 29.