Higher & Deeper.

I am not music savvy at all. I love good music but usually it's introduced to me by someone who is music savvy. I tend to find something I love and then listen to it over and over until the next recommendation comes my way.

I very rarely listen to the radio because I'm usually sucked into whatever mix I have on my ipod or listening to a podcast or the CD in my car's CD player but for whatever reason about 6 months ago I turned the radio on during a longer drive and heard a song by the band, All Sons & Daughters. I loved it.

I've listened to them on and off since then but when I realized they'd be leading a portion of worship at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference that I attended back in the beginning of March I downloaded an album and started listening more in preparation for seeing them live--and what a treat that was. They were one of my very favorite parts of the conference.

All that to say, if you're reading this--you should check them out. I rarely do plugs like this but their music has been such a ministry to my life and heart.

Their song, Called Me Higher is the song of my heart right now. These lyrics are so powerful, I wanted to share them this morning. I'm also sharing a video about how this song came about & then the song itself.

Happy Tuesday!

Called Me Higher

I could just sit

I could just sit and wait for all your goodness

Hope to feel your presence

And I could just stay

I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel you

Hope to feel something again

And I could hold on

I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside

And I could be safe

I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home

Never let these walls down

But you have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where you will lead me Lord

You have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where you lead me Lord

Where you lead me

Where you lead me Lord

And I will be Yours

I will be Yours for all my life

So let Your mercy light the path before me

Comfort.

I like being comfortable. I like that word in all areas of my life. I love nothing more than the perfect temperature outside to wear my favorite running shorts and a hooded sweatshirt. I love air conditioning in the summer and the heat my furnace provides in the winter. After a long run, nothing feels greater than a long shower. I love sleeping in a comfortable bed.

I love that I don’t have to think twice about stopping at the Super Target by my house if I’m out of something because I know I’m minutes away from a gallon of milk to a bottle of shampoo, that one store pretty much supplies everything I need.

I love the comfort of having all of the people I love nearby. Having friends or family over for dinner followed by a good game night fills my heart with joy. I love the convenience of only having to drive a couple of hours to see my immediate family. Something I took for granted my whole life until I moved 15 hours away and realized how uncomfortable I was without my family and best friends closer to me.

I love a beautifully set dinner table & large houses filled with picture perfect furniture. I like to daydream about potential vacations spent on a beach where I could lay out and read all day. I get excited when my new Vera Bradley catalogue comes in the mail or when I buy a new pair of shoes. I dream about raising children surrounded by people who know them and will pour into them their whole lives…about marrying a husband who will provide for me as a spiritual leader but also financially provide for us.

There’s nothing about comfort on every single level and piece of my life that doesn’t appeal to me. I’m onboard the comfort train.

The more I spend time hanging out with Jesus the more I’m realizing that I put my comfort before the ways He’s nudging me. The more I spent time in His Word—the less I see where comfort really brings real joy.

I’ve worried in writing this that I may offend maybe all 3 of you who read this blog in my saying that. I’m not saying every one is called to live in Africa. I’m not saying that every one is called to sell everything they own and give it to the church. But what has been pressing on my heart so much lately is that we use those extreme callings as excuses to sometimes put our own comfort and desires in front of a life that looks less like us and more like Jesus.

Sometimes the dreams of having more and being comfortable put God in a box. I’ve found myself there often… "Okay, Lord, I’ll follow you….but as long as it keeps me in a 20 mile radius of the people I love the most.” or “Okay, Lord, I surrender it all to you but that includes keeping my vacation home and my dream home, right?”

These are the words I keep coming back to, in Matthew 16:24-26, “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”

Denying self. That’s so hard. I feel like I’m in a constant state of attempting to deny myself to follow Jesus. It’s so easy to grip so tightly to the dreams of my heart.

But then I read about Paul. This is a guy—that when he took up his cross and followed Jesus…went for it. Went all out.  I love his words in Colossians Chapter 3 “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

 This is so much more fulfilling to me than any Pottery Barn picture perfect house could be. To think that I am now hidden within Christ—that He covers me in every way. Wow. It kind of takes my breath away when I stop and think about it…when I pray to allow my mind not to just be wrapped around that but to be refined in the truth that by setting my mind and heart on Jesus, my comfort will be found in HIM. He will provide ALWAYS even in the most uncomfortable situations when I rest in Him.

I all too often find myself stuck in that box. I allow comfort to trump my Savior who is holding me. I get caught up in wanting to have all the things my friends have instead of living in the freedom that I have been given the greatest gift…the greatest sacrifice.

I’m praying hard against wanting to remain comfortable. Sounds kind of crazy, I know. The words of a song roll around and around in this prayer…

Refiner's fire

My heart's one desire

Is to be holy

Set apart for You, Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for You, my Master

Ready to do Your will

Praying that this blog post would be less about writing these words and putting them out there—and more about living them. 

A Nudge.

Fasting has always been a pretty personal and intimate discipline for me. Three years ago, I participated in the Daniel Fast ( see details here... http://www.daniel-fast.com/index.php/about-the-fast) during Lent. I felt a nudge from the Lord before that season of Lent began that I needed to focus on Him and I needed clarity. It's kind of amazing, how much clarity came from that time of fasting and prayer as well as how much my life changed after that Lenten season.

Last year, I again felt the nudge from the Lord to take on that discipline during Lent. I did a different type of Daniel Fast, only fasting M-F to accommodate the sometimes crazy ministry weekends. But again, it was a very intimate time with the Lord that is clear to me now that He was giving me that nudge to prepare me to draw nearer to Him, in some challenging summer months ahead.

With both of those fasts it was a decision I came to on my own. Our church family, was recently recommended to fast for 21 days similar to the Daniel Fast as part of the Fruitful Congregational Journey process that we are undergoing. This recommendation caught me completely off guard. I hadn't felt that nudge or call to fast this past Lent. It really wasn't on my radar. Since January, I've been training consistently to run a 13 mile half marathon coming up in mid-May. This call to fast wasn't in my plans. I know that not every one has the capability to do a food fast, like a Daniel Fast, and initially I told myself, I'll just use my training as an excuse not to give up meat or dairy, etc. and then it happened...that nudge.

I didn't have peace with it. I felt the Lord nudging me to talk to Him about my fears and doubts going into the Daniel Fast this time. The list for me initially was long...the food prep, the expense of the Daniel Fast friendly groceries, my busy schedule for the next 3 weeks, my half marathon training, etc. My list seemed valid. But the nudge didn't leave me, I didn't have peace.

As, I was praying over the steps to take last week, I came across this verse from Matthew when Jesus is been tempted by Satan, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. " It got me thinking...what would it really be like for me to live out these words.

In these first five days of fasting here's what God has stretched my heart with: I'm hungry. And often, I fill my life up with some much busy-ness, so much stress, so much struggle, so much anxiousness, so much worry, so much fear, so much stuff...that I don't realize how hungry I am for my Father. Sometimes for me, it takes physical hunger to remind me of that. What a humbling experience this has been for me in just a few short days. I can't promise you with the 10 mile runs I have looming ahead of me the next week or so that I won't switch back to turkey or chicken into my diet...there's a good chance I will.

Had I not started the fast to begin with and just ignored the nudging...I may have missed out on a powerful lesson my loving, powerful, holy Heavenly Father had laid out for me. My strength and trust must be found in Him. My heart must be fixed in Him. And as many times as I'll fail to do that, I'm thankful for the nudges along the way that draw me back. I'll count it joy when my stomach growls because the rice cakes and carrots didn't cut it for lunch because it's a reminder of the abundance I have the rest of the time and the overwhelming abundance I have in Jesus when I simply let him steer the ship.