God has been whispering to me all throughout this journey of Lent. His whisper to me again and again has been one word. Surrender.
This morning, it hit me harder than it has in a long time. I've been holding so tightly to so many desires of my heart. I have been pleading with God for clarity and to understand His long-term plan for my life. To know every step of the future. To wake up each day with a post-it note taped to my bathroom mirror with direction from Him as to where and when and who.
And as I've continued to hold so tightly to these desires I've also been consumed with prayers for others that I love so dearly. In some ways my prayer life has never been stronger--I have found myself so freely able to pray for the needs and hearts of others and to take time each day to faithfully lift them up to our Father who holds them all in the palm of His hand.
But as faithfully as I've been in those prayers I have struggled to obey the simple command that God has been whispering into my heart. Surrender. I have failed to lay at His feet the unknowns and the insecurities I have and I have failed to fully rejoice in where He has me and what He has gifted me in this very moment. I just feel like I should be wearing a tshirt that says: "FAIL".
Anyone who knows me pretty well or has driven with me in my car knows that I have a horrible habit of never changing the CD in my CD player. A few weeks ago I traded out the Chris Tomlin CD that's been in since before Christmas with the Gungor Beautiful Things CD..over and over and over, I listen to these songs. And this morning, when I finally was real with myself about ignoring the whispers to surrender... these lyrics from a Gungor song, played over and over in my head and my heart: "Jesus you're the one who saves us/ Constantly creates us into something new/ Jesus surely you will find us/ Surely our messiah will make all things new."
How can I allow my Savior to create something new within me if I cling more to these fears and the desires I think I know all about--because honestly I don't. But Jesus, who has saved me and covers me with grace does know. He has a plan for every ounce of my heart and now it's time for me to lay it at His feet. To wake up each morning and surrender it all again to Him... in the hopes of the new that can only be found in Him. And that His desires are worth waiting on.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not in your own understandings, in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
This is so beautifully written, Steph! The thing about God's plan is that we never really see the long-term one before it happens. Some people might think that getting married is the easiest thing for a long-term plan, but in all honesty it makes it more difficult. I can't tell you where we will be in six, nine, twelve months. Let alone years. Take comfort in knowing that you're doing the right thing in surrendering every ounce of yourself to the Lord -- He will never leave you and will always reveal His best plan to you according to His good and perfect will. And I know you well. Your spirit and fervor for the Lord is evident and it's contagious! I love that about you. It has been an honor to see the Lord working in your life these past 8 years of friendship. You might see failure, but others see a life filled with His perfect joy and a servant's heart unlike any other. I know that we will praise Him for the ways he works in the next 80 years of our friendship. I love you!!
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