God has been whispering to me all throughout this journey of Lent. His whisper to me again and again has been one word. Surrender.
This morning, it hit me harder than it has in a long time. I've been holding so tightly to so many desires of my heart. I have been pleading with God for clarity and to understand His long-term plan for my life. To know every step of the future. To wake up each day with a post-it note taped to my bathroom mirror with direction from Him as to where and when and who.
And as I've continued to hold so tightly to these desires I've also been consumed with prayers for others that I love so dearly. In some ways my prayer life has never been stronger--I have found myself so freely able to pray for the needs and hearts of others and to take time each day to faithfully lift them up to our Father who holds them all in the palm of His hand.
But as faithfully as I've been in those prayers I have struggled to obey the simple command that God has been whispering into my heart. Surrender. I have failed to lay at His feet the unknowns and the insecurities I have and I have failed to fully rejoice in where He has me and what He has gifted me in this very moment. I just feel like I should be wearing a tshirt that says: "FAIL".
Anyone who knows me pretty well or has driven with me in my car knows that I have a horrible habit of never changing the CD in my CD player. A few weeks ago I traded out the Chris Tomlin CD that's been in since before Christmas with the Gungor Beautiful Things CD..over and over and over, I listen to these songs. And this morning, when I finally was real with myself about ignoring the whispers to surrender... these lyrics from a Gungor song, played over and over in my head and my heart: "Jesus you're the one who saves us/ Constantly creates us into something new/ Jesus surely you will find us/ Surely our messiah will make all things new."
How can I allow my Savior to create something new within me if I cling more to these fears and the desires I think I know all about--because honestly I don't. But Jesus, who has saved me and covers me with grace does know. He has a plan for every ounce of my heart and now it's time for me to lay it at His feet. To wake up each morning and surrender it all again to Him... in the hopes of the new that can only be found in Him. And that His desires are worth waiting on.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not in your own understandings, in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
small steps
Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Being.
This is how I got my start in youth ministry. What I'm sharing below is a part of a bigger writing project I've been working on for the past couple years. We'll see what God has in store for it...but I wanted to go ahead and share this piece of it. To me, the greatest youth leaders and volunteers aren't the ones with a microphone in their hand or leading the games or worship. It's the people who are behind the scenes...who give their time and their heart for Jesus & allow Him to be their guide with the teenagers that cross their paths. The only thing really needed to bring to the youth ministry world are time & a love for Jesus and a love for what Jesus does in the hearts of young people. Sometimes it's just about being there. Being present and consistent. Just being.
So, here's a little piece of my journey and how it began.
God had given me little glimpses. Little nudges and pushes that this was how I could serve Him with my life. They came in the tight grasp of a student clutching onto me for a hello or goodbye hug, the sweet yet squeaky voices of teenagers worshipping the Lord in song and smiles…lots of braces filled smiles of students.
But you never forget the moment that it is perfectly clear. The moment that I knew for sure that this was the adventure I was ready to step into with all my heart and soul and strength. And it came in the form of six Wendy’s frosties.
We were four very different and mismatched college students to be honest. I was majoring in writing & studying the Bible, David, was bound for medical school with his pre-med studies in biology and chemistry, his brother, Tim, was enthralled in our college’s education and speech department and my best friend, Natalie was what I liked to call “the voice of the campus”, as a beautiful soprano majoring in Music in Education. One way or another we ended up volunteering our Wednesday evenings and Sunday’s at the same tiny church right down the street from our small college campus. It was like God picked each one of us out of a very different crowd and threw us together into a ride that we would never suspect would tie us together in such a special way. But here we were, sometimes a little awkward and unsure with how to interact with these teenagers from a rural community who were not too many years younger than ourselves.
There was one thing the four of us had going for us a volunteer youth leaders—consistency. The consistency that united the four of us with these students made an impact more than we ever saw coming. And isn’t that just like our perfect Creator? He promises us in His Word, that when we are consistent in our relationship with Him, He will bless us and make an impact in our life and heart like none other.
So, here we were four mis-matched college students—and God could use even our measly consistency in a great and awesome way. David was a senior, when I was a junior and Natalie & Tim were sophomores. The spring of his senior year, the four of us began to realize that our consistent habits with this youth group we had come to love so much were about to change, one of us was about to move on.
I remember the sadness I felt one Wednesday evening when David wasn’t there because he had a senior commitment—I started thinking, “This is what it will be like next year, down to three.” Never for an instant did I ever imagine the impact his graduation would have on the students. I was blind to the great work God was doing all around me. I figured the little time we could give as college students in a week didn’t really add up to all that much. I mean, we were there, we loved the time with the students, we prayed for them---but we were college students there’s only so much we could give. A couple hours consistently every week couldn’t amount to that much….could it?
It was late spring that year when my crystal clear God moment happened. The teaching time that Wednesday night had hit a soft moment with some of the students. It was one of the last Wednesday’s that David, Tim, Natalie and I would be there together before graduation and then the summer college break. As the worship band began to sing the last closing song, one of the teen girls standing next to me in the church pew sat down and began to weep.
My mind went 10 different directions--- Is someone in her family sick? Is she not feeling well? Did her boyfriend break up with her? Is she struggling in school? As I sat down next to her she wrapped her arms around my neck into a tight, wet hug. I let her cry for a few minutes before whispering, “Megan, I’m here…” Honestly, I had no idea what else to say, to this sweet girl I loved, but yet still didn’t know very well. I will never forget her response as she stammered through sobs, “I just don’t want David to graduate and leave---he means so much to us.”
My jaw dropped. Was she serious? David? I looked into her face and saw the sadness of a teenager who had grown to depend on the consistency of my medical school bound friend whom maybe she had shared a quick word and a high five with once a week. All of the sudden, her twin sister was sitting next to her in tears as well.
Natalie and I sat with the girls, hugging them, and letting them mourn the foursome of college student leaders that would soon be down to three. We were mourning it too, but in a different way as friends who have to part ways in life do. I remember that occasionally, Natalie and I would look at each other with expressions—What do we even say? There were no words. What the girls needed was our consistent presence.
For our arms to hold them in a tangible way to remind them that there Heavenly Father’s arms and love for them is eternal and unwavering. It was in that moment with those weepy, emotional, teenage twin sisters that I knew this was the calling that I was in with for the long haul. If the Creator of the Universe could use the consistency of four awkward college students in such a powerful way to further His Kingdom, I was in. My heart for youth ministry in Jesus name was wrapped tightly around me, just like Megan’s arms were around my neck that evening.
As Natalie and I sat with the girls in the dark church sanctuary after the other students filed out, David and Tim stood in the back waiting. Consistent. Every few seconds Megan would look back to see if they were still there. After a few Kleenex, we asked the girls if there was something we could do to show a little extra love to them…this was their response: “Can we go get some 99 cent frosties from Wendy’s…us and the four of you?”
Natalie and I started laughing and knew that this was something we could make happen. We took the church van for the occasion and off we were to Wendy’s. Four college students, and two 14 year old girls. I don’t remember what our conversation was at Wendy’s that evening. I remember lots of laughter and the girls wanting a hug from each one of us when we dropped them off at home a little later, I think David’s hug was a little tighter than usual from them that night.
Six Frosties from Wendy’s. That was my beginning into entering into a new journey that has filled the past five years of my life with the drama, tears, laughter, jokes, joy and most amazing stories of how Jesus Christ will transform the lives of young people when we come to Him as His servants—His vessels---His tools—to be used consistently so that He can transform and prevail in the lives of teens.
So, here's a little piece of my journey and how it began.
God had given me little glimpses. Little nudges and pushes that this was how I could serve Him with my life. They came in the tight grasp of a student clutching onto me for a hello or goodbye hug, the sweet yet squeaky voices of teenagers worshipping the Lord in song and smiles…lots of braces filled smiles of students.
But you never forget the moment that it is perfectly clear. The moment that I knew for sure that this was the adventure I was ready to step into with all my heart and soul and strength. And it came in the form of six Wendy’s frosties.
We were four very different and mismatched college students to be honest. I was majoring in writing & studying the Bible, David, was bound for medical school with his pre-med studies in biology and chemistry, his brother, Tim, was enthralled in our college’s education and speech department and my best friend, Natalie was what I liked to call “the voice of the campus”, as a beautiful soprano majoring in Music in Education. One way or another we ended up volunteering our Wednesday evenings and Sunday’s at the same tiny church right down the street from our small college campus. It was like God picked each one of us out of a very different crowd and threw us together into a ride that we would never suspect would tie us together in such a special way. But here we were, sometimes a little awkward and unsure with how to interact with these teenagers from a rural community who were not too many years younger than ourselves.
There was one thing the four of us had going for us a volunteer youth leaders—consistency. The consistency that united the four of us with these students made an impact more than we ever saw coming. And isn’t that just like our perfect Creator? He promises us in His Word, that when we are consistent in our relationship with Him, He will bless us and make an impact in our life and heart like none other.
So, here we were four mis-matched college students—and God could use even our measly consistency in a great and awesome way. David was a senior, when I was a junior and Natalie & Tim were sophomores. The spring of his senior year, the four of us began to realize that our consistent habits with this youth group we had come to love so much were about to change, one of us was about to move on.
I remember the sadness I felt one Wednesday evening when David wasn’t there because he had a senior commitment—I started thinking, “This is what it will be like next year, down to three.” Never for an instant did I ever imagine the impact his graduation would have on the students. I was blind to the great work God was doing all around me. I figured the little time we could give as college students in a week didn’t really add up to all that much. I mean, we were there, we loved the time with the students, we prayed for them---but we were college students there’s only so much we could give. A couple hours consistently every week couldn’t amount to that much….could it?
It was late spring that year when my crystal clear God moment happened. The teaching time that Wednesday night had hit a soft moment with some of the students. It was one of the last Wednesday’s that David, Tim, Natalie and I would be there together before graduation and then the summer college break. As the worship band began to sing the last closing song, one of the teen girls standing next to me in the church pew sat down and began to weep.
My mind went 10 different directions--- Is someone in her family sick? Is she not feeling well? Did her boyfriend break up with her? Is she struggling in school? As I sat down next to her she wrapped her arms around my neck into a tight, wet hug. I let her cry for a few minutes before whispering, “Megan, I’m here…” Honestly, I had no idea what else to say, to this sweet girl I loved, but yet still didn’t know very well. I will never forget her response as she stammered through sobs, “I just don’t want David to graduate and leave---he means so much to us.”
My jaw dropped. Was she serious? David? I looked into her face and saw the sadness of a teenager who had grown to depend on the consistency of my medical school bound friend whom maybe she had shared a quick word and a high five with once a week. All of the sudden, her twin sister was sitting next to her in tears as well.
Natalie and I sat with the girls, hugging them, and letting them mourn the foursome of college student leaders that would soon be down to three. We were mourning it too, but in a different way as friends who have to part ways in life do. I remember that occasionally, Natalie and I would look at each other with expressions—What do we even say? There were no words. What the girls needed was our consistent presence.
For our arms to hold them in a tangible way to remind them that there Heavenly Father’s arms and love for them is eternal and unwavering. It was in that moment with those weepy, emotional, teenage twin sisters that I knew this was the calling that I was in with for the long haul. If the Creator of the Universe could use the consistency of four awkward college students in such a powerful way to further His Kingdom, I was in. My heart for youth ministry in Jesus name was wrapped tightly around me, just like Megan’s arms were around my neck that evening.
As Natalie and I sat with the girls in the dark church sanctuary after the other students filed out, David and Tim stood in the back waiting. Consistent. Every few seconds Megan would look back to see if they were still there. After a few Kleenex, we asked the girls if there was something we could do to show a little extra love to them…this was their response: “Can we go get some 99 cent frosties from Wendy’s…us and the four of you?”
Natalie and I started laughing and knew that this was something we could make happen. We took the church van for the occasion and off we were to Wendy’s. Four college students, and two 14 year old girls. I don’t remember what our conversation was at Wendy’s that evening. I remember lots of laughter and the girls wanting a hug from each one of us when we dropped them off at home a little later, I think David’s hug was a little tighter than usual from them that night.
Six Frosties from Wendy’s. That was my beginning into entering into a new journey that has filled the past five years of my life with the drama, tears, laughter, jokes, joy and most amazing stories of how Jesus Christ will transform the lives of young people when we come to Him as His servants—His vessels---His tools—to be used consistently so that He can transform and prevail in the lives of teens.
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