I needed paper towels. The whole purpose of my late night trip to Target last night was because I was out of paper towels. You can't get to the paper towel aisle without passing the baby aisle. So, I found myself, cart halted, in the midst of the diapers and baby shampoo. My eyes scanning up and down the shelves and my mind remembering the baby showers of my friends and all the wonderful stuff they have received and the joy and love surrounding the entrance of their sweet babies into this world.
And then, the tears started streaming down my face as the heaviness I had been carrying on my heart all day became too much for me to hold in. While skimming through Facebook earlier in the day, I found myself on the page of a former student. A student who I began my journey in student ministry with 8 years ago. I remember the night she accepted Jesus into her heart and I also remember the night that the police called me to let me know about the meth bust that was about to take place at her home. Years have passed since this sweet girl has been a part of my every day ministry life--and here I was looking at her Facebook page and a picture of her pregnant belly..and the heaviness set in on my heart. As I took in all the baby products last night I was overwhelmed by the feeling of unfairness for her situation.
The night, she turned to Jesus I remember listening to her speak in awe of a loving Father. This was foreign to her. I remember stroking her hair and covering her with words that I prayed would point her towards the truth that she would only find in her loving Savior. I remember the hope I had for her that night--that she could rise above the cycle of brokenness that was the world she was born into. I remember they joy in her face when she spoke of the new found freedom she had found in Jesus.
As I started to fill my cart with diapers and onesies and baby shampoo to send to her last night I tried to allow myself to push back the tears and remember the joy. It's hard to swallow the reality that her sweet baby will be born in the same cycle...the same house...the same situation. When I got home, I started organizing the baby items into a gift bag and I had to stop and open my Bible instead.
I found myself reading Paul's words in 1 Corinthians, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor."
God makes it grow. God is faithful to the seeds planted. God is holding this situation---this sweet girl and her baby. I can't stop thinking about Pinterest baby showers and a beautiful baby nursery. How she won't have this for her baby, we messaged on Facebook this morning and she told me she's invited some family to a local restaurant for a baby shower...all I could think of is how she's throwing herself a baby shower. And, I know, baby showers are not the most important thing, but my heart breaks. So, I'll make another trip to Target later today to find a few more things for the care package I'm sending...not because it's super significant but because the seed is planted and I want to remind her of that. I want to do all I can to cover her with love so she'll remember the joy she found when she gave her heart to Jesus & then all I can do is surrender her in prayer, knowing that God is faithful. God allows seeds to grow even in the most broken of situations. I'm clinging to His perfect love and praying for a world...for students who have forgotten...may they be reminded through prayers lifting them up, gift bags of diapers and from the seed planters.
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