All We Can Do

I have really been blessed in the grandparent department. My childhood was a steady stream of sweet memories with four of the sweetest people. Four very different & distinct personalities that really blessed my socks off. They all in their own way always pointed me towards Jesus. I can't put into words or even try to measure the impact of that---their examples have really set the bar high in my life. Such blessings.

I always miss my mom's mother a little more this time of year. When it reaches that point of winter for me when it just seems like it can't get any colder and I'm overly tired of snow, my heart always turns to my grandmother. It's hard to believe that she passed away seven years ago. The last five years of her life, I found myself spending a lot of one on one time with her. I would drive to her house and spend a few days with her a couple times throughout the year just to help her out with cleaning & shopping. Those were the end of my college years and the beginning of my full time ministry years and those 48 hour trips with my Grandma always seemed to be just what I needed. In those days together, we pretty much talked non-stop. I felt a new openness to share everything with her...my fears, my struggles, my joys and she would do the same with me. I loved the stories she'd tell me about my grandfather and there were usually tears from both of us. It was a closeness I had never had with her before and it led to one of my very favorite memories with her because after a few years of my Grandma visits, she started calling me on the phone.

At first, I remember being a little surprised to hear my Grandma's voice on the other end but as it became more regular I grew to love these conversations more and more. One night, in the dead of winter, I found myself home alone and roommate-less. No ministry events or students slamming through the front door to see what was for dinner. It was unusually quiet. I was sitting on the couch watching the snow fall from the huge picture window in my family room, when my phone rang, it was my sweet Grandma. She wondered if it was snowing in Hillsdale, just like it was in Greenville, where she lived.

For some reason, I have no idea why, I burst into tears, I started sharing with my Grandma all my fears and uncertainties about ministry and God's plan for me. I have no idea how she understood me. I remembered when I stopped talking that I expected her to maybe be emotional or upset too. But calmly, on the other end of the phone she said "Sometimes, Stephie, all we can do is just turn it over to Jesus," and she began to pray for me.

That was the last time we ever talked on the phone. She lived another year  and I had visits with her but for some reason neither of us ever called each other. In some ways, I regret that, in other ways I feel like that last phone conversation was the exactly the reminder conversation I would need for the rest of my life.

I was reminded of it very early this morning after I crawled out of bed, dreading to turn back my curtain to see how much snow had fallen overnight. I found myself just starring out at the falling snow--and instead of starting my day with a spirit of thankfulness found myself worrying about a lot of things in my life right now I don't have tons of control over--or any control over.

All of a sudden, I could hear my sweet grandmother's voice. I could hear her prayer for me to turn it over. A beautiful reminder, again and again that sometimes all we can do and all we need to do is simply turn it over to Jesus.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him, for he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7